Okay, but what is self-care?

Black Girl Country Living

BGCL Newsletter invites you to heal and transform through slow, intentional living. Each week, take this moment to pause with me and recall what is essential. 💚

THANK YOU, friends!

After asking for help last week in crafting BIPOC Rewilding Workshops, I heard from over 60 of you. You introduced me to incredible collaborators, shared gorgeous locations for the events, and pointed me to folks who are already doing this work.

I am so thankful for everyone who reached out! It feels amazing to co-create something with this community and I love getting to evolve this idea together. I will keep you posted as I work to bring this dream into the world. 💚

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Am I doing this right?

We hear the phrase self-care tossed around a lot, but what does it really mean? And since this idea has come into our collective awareness, are we actually caring for ourselves any differently?

For a long time, I struggled to understand what self-care looked like in my life and thought of it as pampering that needed to be earned. I packed my weeks with activity from start to finish. Just before I reached peak exhaustion, I’d rush off for some relaxation.

My self-care dates were like indulgence BINGO, as if doing more activities somehow resulted in greater self-care. I gorged on delicious sushi, sipped the best bubble tea, ate exotic pastries, got deluxe pedicures, and poured over beautiful magazines. I was willing myself into feeling cared for, but it really was just an extension of my to-dos.

What was I doing wrong? Isn’t pampering the same as self-care?

It took years of asking these questions before I finally arrived at an answer. I had been doing it wrong, but that was because I had no model for tending gently to my needs, especially as Black women. We are taught to give, sacrifice, and serve until we have nothing left.

I was neglecting my needs by insisting that caring for myself must first be earned. Now I realize that caring for myself is a vital part of how I continue to support my family and community. And by considering self-care simply papering, I minimized range of possibilities I have when it comes to caring for myself.

It took a lot of practice and failure, but I think I finally figured out what self-care is for me. For me, self-care is:

• An intentional and regenerative practice of tending gently to my needs, being kind to myself, and giving myself grace.

  • For me, this looks like regular epsom salt baths and practicing a kind internal dialogue, especially when I make mistakes.

• Learning to listen to my body and giving myself the safety and support I need.

  • I take time to notice when I do not feel safe or seen. I find spaces where I am valued and feel supported.

• Nurturing my body with food, filling my mind with constructive ideas, and feeding my spirit with meaningful connection.

  • I cook healthy meals, listen to people who help me feel grounded, and lean into relationships that provide life-giving and easeful.

My practices of self-care continue to deepen and evolve with the seasons. I continue to make these rituals a priority because I know that my wellness enables me to care for other people. I also know that if I do not take care of myself, nobody else will.

I’d love to hear your perspective: What is self-care for you? How do you make it a regular practice? You can hit reply to share with me directly or leave a comment on the Substack BGCL community page. 

Thanks for taking time to slow down and be present with me this week. Take care, be kind, and we'll talk soon,

Hillarie