Hi there, it’s Hillarie! This is your favorite weekly newsletter to inspire conversations that matter. Keep reading for bold ideas, fresh perspectives, and honest words.
Re: Becoming Unbothered
Dear friend,
How are you doing this week? ’Tis the season of giving, and I want to thank you for giving me your time and support. I truly appreciate you and your interest in having meaningful conversations.
In the spirit of giving, I recently had a hater stop by my DMs to deliver a small package of disparaging remarks. And just like an unwanted gift from a stranger who does not know my love language, it sucked.
Immediately, the people pleaser in me insisted the world was over. I said what was on my heart and now there were consequences. I felt the urge to apologize for the offense and void any statements that hinted at an opinion of any kind. If I could somehow convince this stranger that I am kind and good, then all would be right.
I sat in the discomfort of my thoughts and feelings: the pain of rejection, isolation, and shame brought on by a total stranger.
This person read my stories, looked through photos, and decided they knew all there was to know about me. It hurt to know that my words generated ill will. I was angry that they didn’t consider my perspective. The heaviness of it all was very real.
In that moment, I wanted so badly to be unbothered. To dismiss the ugly feelings and declare that I am so certain about who I am, that a stranger’s words could not possibly shake me. But, I am human, and we hurt sometimes.
Instead, I offered myself the grace to be bothered, knowing that there is an opportunity for growth. This is becoming unbothered.
Lots of people have figured this out long before me, but we are all on different paths. Leaving a life of people pleasing to step into who I am is not a simple switch. It requires consciously deprioritizing being liked and prioritizing sharing my truth. It takes intentionality, loads of grace, and time.
One day, I will be able to say I am truly, honestly unbothered by the haters, but I am not there yet. I am still figuring it out.
So, in the meantime, I have a mantra: Declaring who I am is going to make some people uncomfortable and it is not my job to hold their discomfort. ✌🏽
Thanks for being with me on this journey and reply with your tips for becoming unbothered.
Stay curious, be kind, and take care,
Hillarie
Work as a Part of Life, Not the Center of It
The last two years have been… weird for workers. Jobs or vocations are an important part of how we find purpose and meaning, but our modern interpretation of work is not sustainable.
As a culture, we value work-related contributions above all else, and that prevents many people from living enriching lives, as individuals and communities. We work ourselves to the bone for decades with the vague hope of one day being able to retire and finally relax.
But people need time to live meaningful lives before it’s too late. We are not put on this great earth to simply be productive.
In the last two years, workers have had to face ugly truths about their jobs:
Essential workers were left on the frontlines during a global pandemic while other workers sheltered safely in their homes.
Office workers who once enjoyed the community and perks of the workplace found less meaning sitting at home and felt increasing pressure to be productive.
Workers with kids have been pressed from all sides in a system that was never designed for working parents.
Service workers have become punching bags for all people fed up with the state of the world.
Given the strain and discontentment across the labor force, it is high time we rethink the placement of work in our lives. And not just for some workers; for all workers.
Imagine a world where:
Workers have reliable hours, and therefore, steady income
Parents and caregivers are compensated for the valuable labor they provide in the home
People have the time and energy to invest in their communities
Sick people can take time they need to recover before returning to work
People have ample leisure time before their final years of life
This is a complicated idea, and I do not claim to have any solutions. I simply have hope that we can find better ways to spend our time here together. It is a worthy idea to keep in mind as we create a new kind of normal.
If we could overhaul the way we work, what would you want to see change?
Winter Forest Bathing
There are many practices that recognize the benefits of being in nature for our mental, physical, and emotional health. One of those is Japanese shinrin-yoku, which roughly translates to spending leisurely time in a forest, or forest bathing.
The healing power of nature is well researched and documented. But for a long time, I struggled with how exactly to be in nature, particularly in the winter months. I wondered: Do I just stand here and look around? What am I listening for exactly? Can I walk on this? What the hell just dripped on me?? How long do I have to be out here?
All good questions, and here’s the great news: the healing magic of nature can be yours in as little as 15 minutes per day!
So before you run out the door, here are a few tips to get the most out of your forest bath:
Dress appropriately. This may seem obvious, but dress so you can be comfortable outside. There is a sign at my son’s preschool that reads: There's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. It’s better to prepare for the elements so you can be present and enjoy the experience.
Find nature where you can. You don’t necessarily need to travel far to benefit from nature. It can be achieved by sitting on a patio, walking through a park, looking up at trees, staring at your house plants, or playing a nature playlist!
Engage all your senses. Try to get all your senses involved and be present. How does the bark on the tree feel? What smells linger in the air? What wildlife do you hear? What is springing up from the ground? Immerse yourself in the mystery of it all and follow your curiosity.
Repeat--even when you don’t want to. The first several times you do this, it may feel like you just wasted 15 minutes of productive time. You didn’t. The magic happens when you consistently make the time and are persistent about engaging in nature in a way that feels right for you.
Happy forest bathing and please report back on your experience!
If you feel inspired, hit reply - I love to hear your thoughts and stories!
If you enjoyed this, forward it to a friend.
If you want to birdwatch with me, follow me on instagram.