Spaces Where We Are Seen

BGCL Newsletter

Hi there, it’s Hillarie! BGCL Newsletter is all about personal transformation sparked by connecting with nature. Join me on my journey unwinding modern city life to embracing a slower, more intentional life in the country. Read on for ideas on finding ourselves, connecting with nature, and creating community. 💚

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“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ― Brené Brown

Hey friends,

Where do you go to feel seen? I ask because being seen is an essential part of our humanity. Being seen is a radical act that opens us up to the possibility of true connection with ourselves, other people, and all life on earth. Not only do we want to feel seen, we need it in order to feel a sense of belonging and purpose. However, finding spaces where we are seen seem to be all too rare these days, but maybe we are simply looking in the wrong places. 

You Don’t See Me

What does it mean for you to be seen? This question evaded me for many years because I lived split lives. I had community spaces where I was known as a quiet, nice, and helpful girl. Friendships where I was fun, loyal, and compassionate. Family arenas where I was silly, utterly disorganized, and also a raging bitch. Then work spaces where I was a certifiable badass who said yes to any new project. Each space I entered into, I cropped and contorted myself to be seen as the person that made everyone comfortable and happy. Everyone except myself, that is.

Much of my life, I wondered how I could feel expansive in some spaces and then reduced to a fraction of myself in others. To feel abundant joy around some people and feel an oppressive need to stay within a prescribed box around others. I felt like a puzzle with sets of pieces locked in separate rooms. I yearned to see what the complete picture could look like because I only could see limited parts of myself at any given time.

The older I got, the louder the dissonance became between each of my worlds. I didn’t know what it meant to bring all of my selves into a single space. I didn’t know whether I could still be loved, or if I would even love myself. Could I be kind and firm about my boundaries? Could I be fun-loving and still be taken seriously? Could I show weakness and still be valued? Moving to the country was the catalyst I needed to find the answers to these questions.

“The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.” — bell hooks

Being Seen in Nature

Our country home is situated at the edge of forest, on a slope that runs until the cliffs drop into the chilly bay waters. It is a truly wild place that I did not appreciate until I found my place amongst it. In the early days, I spent very little time outside and why should I–I was not “outdoorsy.” But as the spring warmth defrosted my icy heart, something beckoned me outside. Nature called me out of my home to sit on my deck. After a moment of sitting, I wondered what the hell I was doing. I returned indoors to find something productive to do with my time. 

But the voice of nature continued to call on me in the form of sherbet sunsets, mystical owls outside my window, and moons so bright it pulled me out of my bed at night. All seemed to be begging me to come see them. When I did, this feeling began to bubble up in me–like a knowing and a connection of some kind. And, to be honest, it scared me. What the hell kind of voo-doo magic was happening? It was uncomfortable but also thrilling. 

My eyes began to adjust and I started to see something deeper, both in myself and the world around me. Nature was inviting me into this sacred space of wonder that I had not experienced in my life. As if I were living in a Disney princess movie, creatures came to welcome me: woodpeckers, owls, elk, eagles, hawks, and hummingbirds. Then one day it occurred to me: I wasn’t just seeing them, they were seeing me. They saw me and I felt seen by them. It was through them that I saw myself fully for the first time.

“You are not an observer, you are a participant.” ― Thích Nhất Hạnh,

Learning to be Seen

As I worked to collect and assemble my internal puzzle pieces, nature began to be my greatest teacher. No matter my emotional state, she saw me and provided a safe place to mend my broken spirit. Nothing was too much for her because she too expressed herself fully. Rage in the winds that swept off the waters. Sadness in the rain that streamed down my windows. Stillness and quiet in the gentle snow. Lightness and laughter in the flocks of birds that filled the trees. She expressed all things with no apologies. 

My encounters with nature had a deep impact on my understanding of myself and changed the way I wanted to be seen in the world. I had been seen fully and was no longer willing to cut myself into digestible pieces for easy consumption. I was a whole person, full of love, light, fury,  and brokenness. Nature assured me that it was okay to be all of those things. She challenged me to find ways to show up fully and unapologetically as myself, and Mama Nature knows I love a challenge.

I found that my full self no longer fit in some spaces, while others were happy to make room. I had been a reliable welcome mat in some spaces, but when the decor started to form opinions, people got uncomfortable. I extracted myself from those spaces. Then there were the spaces where the love and friendship was true. With time and a fair amount of discomfort, the connections prevailed as I journeyed into my fullness. And to my surprise, the shift allowed us to see each other more authentically, just like it did when I connected with nature.

“Vibrant relationships feel like a sanctuary, where you are safe to bring your vulnerability and are given ample love and care. A home that is equally for rest and growth, free from judgment.” — Yung Pueblo

True Connection is Being Seen

If more of us could be seen, maybe we could unpack our stories and our identities without judgment. Maybe we could learn to love and cherish our flaws and contradictions. To sit in the messiness of our feelings without feeling rushed to be better or to feel fine because it is okay to not be okay. If more of us could be seen, maybe we could take our time traversing the seasons of life, finding joy in the darkness knowing that we only get one human experience. 

And maybe if we could learn to see ourselves, we could begin to see other people. To see their messy, uncertain human experience and love them anyway. To look deeply into the eyes of a loved one who is in pain without the need to make them better. To hold their contradictions without a need to judge or shame them. To listen to them without offering how-tos or solving their problems.

After falling madly, deeply in love with the nature on my doorstep, I believe it is possible to create spaces of radical connection through being seen. I believe we can take the love and non judgment that nature showed me and share that with other people. I believe we can spread the understanding that we too can foster meaningful connection when we choose to see and be seen.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage:” ― Brené Brown

So back to my original question: Where do you go to feel seen? You can hit reply to share with me directly or leave a comment on the Substack BGCL community page. 

Thanks for taking time to slow down and be present with me this week. Take care, be kind, and we'll talk soon,

Hillarie