Hard Truths About Slow Dreams

BGCL Newsletter

Hi there, it’s Hillarie! BGCL Newsletter is weekly reflection on slow living in a fast world. Join me on my journey as I step back from modern city living and embrace a slower pace of life in the country. Read on for ideas on finding ourselves, connecting with nature, and creating community. 💚

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Hey friends,

Do not be fooled by photos you see on social media: slow living dreams don't come easy and they are not straightforward. There are many obstacles to overcome, stories to unwind, and hard truths to sit with. It is a messy and emotional journey, though we often focus on the beauty and abundance of a slow life. However, before I could bask in the pea ce of slow living or find joy in menial tasks, I had to face many uncomfortable truths about my current life. 

This is because I had lived much of my life in a regular state of fear and anxiety that I numbed with food, shopping, and consuming information. I spent so much time dwelling in the past, wishing that I could have, should have, or would have done something differently. I was projecting into the future ideas lacking, thoughts of not enough, and expectations of suffering. I hung tightly to the people, places, and things that I desperately believed would bring me peace, even when I knew that change is the only thing real in this life.

It wasn’t until I left the city that I realized I was striving for comfort at all costs in pursuit of some ambiguous idea of success. I bought into fads and trends that promised peace, progress, and prosperity. I leaned on the convenience of fanciful technology and apps to ease my burdens. I was convinced that the good life was just one technological breakthrough away. But nothing in the name of capitalism is created to heal or repair, only numb and distract.

I could see people around me who were living at a different speed and I wanted that. However, the promises of peace, freedom, and joy were not going to present themselves just because I had picked up and moved to the country–I was going to have to work for them.

Through doing the work, I have learned many lessons that have helped me to see life in new and unexpected ways. None of the lessons came easily, but sitting with them has given me the ability to reclaim my life, find joy, and make peace in a troubled world. Here are just a few of those lessons:

FOMO is a Peace Killer

If you want to be present to experience freedom and joy, you cannot be afraid of missing out. Modern life is hinged on creating a sense of hysteria around everything, and boy do we hate feeling left out. I felt this intensely as a kid growing up in South Dakota, watching MTV and wishing that one day I would know what coolness felt like. Life in rural America was the epitome of missing out, and all I wanted was to partake in the creation of popular culture. 

When I first moved to the country, I felt like I had time warped back to my youth, and I was once again exiled from cool. Even though being a parent limited my fun city outings, the proximity to such things was at least pacifying. Now I traded the newness, convenience and excitement of the city for something that, on the surface, felt dated, dull, and desolate. I gave up state-of-the-art accommodations for a chance to find peace, but somehow it felt like an uneven trade-off. How could I be at peace when I was missing so much?

With time, the urgency to keep up with all things cool fell by the wayside. Instead of peace coming from external validation of my life choices, I was learning to generate it within myself. I was starting to understand that missing out is a manufactured idea based on a manufactured sense of what we ought to pursue. When I stopped trying to keep up with the latest and greatest, I started to feel at ease with my simple life in the country. 

Failure is an Illusion

After years being graded in school and evaluated in corporate performance reviews, I was convinced there was a rubric for everything. Certainly this new pursuit of peaceful living was no different, right? I wanted to score all the top marks when it came to caring for my home, growing a garden, and making new friends. I had imagined a right way to do these things that resulted in deep fulfillment and happiness, à la the carefree ladies I saw prancing through the woods on IG. And, by default, the wrong way to do these things resulted in anger, frustration, and failure. 

By that standard, everything I did in this new life was failing. I was a failure. For months, I poured over books about gardening, homesteading, and slow living, hoping to shortcut possible the shame and frustration of certain failure. When I felt my latest project veering off course, I found myself skidding behind it, willing it back towards the outcome I desired. Over and over, I blamed outside circumstances, feigned indifference, or gave up on the work entirely. I worried that I would be defined by my failures.

As I rapidly spiraled downward, I noticed that the only one calling me on my supposed failures was myself. Nobody was coming around to tell me how disappointed they were in my lumpy squash or sad they were that I had not wiped down my walls since I moved into my home. It was all me, all in my head. With time and practice, I learned to move away from the binary idea of success and failure. Both are illusions and neither serve us on the road to finding peace.

Peace in an Internal State

After months of country living, I began to see that peace was never in the places I was taught to look. The city presented a very specific idea of peace through achievement. The opportunity to have all the right things, to be seen in all hip places, and to exude an understanding of coolness at any cost. I began to peel away to layers of unworthiness, of not-enoughness, of impossible-to-reach perfection. Layers upon layers of heavy bullshit put upon me in an effort to buy into a kind of peace that doesn’t exist. 

Underneath it all, what I began to experience was a lightness and an idgaf-ness—to the point that I invested in my first pair if Crocs that I now gleefully wear out in public. Having the ability to slow down and be present has opened a path towards real, lasting freedom by releasing me of expectations that were never mine to carry. My reeducation gave me new eyes, and for the first time I saw that I was the only person in the world who could save me from drowning in dis-ease and worthlessness.

Over time, my fear of the unknown gave way to a real sense of peace, joy, and calm that came from within me, not from external validation that I had always sought. Instead of holding tightly to all that I thought defined me, I began to see that letting go was the highest form of power. I cut, carved, and cleaved away heavy emotions, burdensome ideas, and residual doubt that was not serving me. This kind of peace felt bright and easeful, and I wanted more of it.

Next week, I will share how these truths led to a new dream–my big farm dream. Until then, drop a message to let me know: What hard truths are you learning on your journey to a slower life? You can hit reply to share with me directly or leave a comment on the Substack BGCL community page. 

Thanks for taking time to slow down and be present with me this week. Take care, be kind, and we'll talk soon,

Hillarie

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Slow Living Coaching - One Spot Left!

Many of us want to live life on purpose but struggle to cut through the noise of wellness and self-care fads. We are weighed down by expectations of success and live in fear of failure.

This was me for far too long.

After experiencing the pain and frustration of being alone on my slow living journey, I wanted to offer support to others who felt just as stuck as me. I wanted to help others with practical ways to face hard truths and reframe what a good life could look like.

After feedback from this community, I have created the Slow Living Coaching experience to help others create a meaningful life on their terms.

It is a unique program that includes weekly 1:1 calls with me, thoughtful reflection activities, support between calls, and a Slow Living curriculum to help you achieve the life of peace you desire.

If you are ready to start your Slow Living journey, book a call with me. I am excited to hear about your dreams of slow living and support you on the journey!