Hi there, it’s Hillarie! Worthy Few, my bi-weekly mini newsletter, is now The Wild. I am shaking things up a bit, keep reading to learn where we are headed.
Hi friends!
I am 4 months into my newsletter journey and it has been a fun ride to be on with you all. Taking the leap into writing was not easy, and I knew it would take time to find my groove. As I lean into my life in the country, I am finding different things each week that inspire me and make me fall in love with nature again.
The Wild will be a biweekly newsletter to bring you into my world and my experiences in nature. Whether that is gardening, bird watching, or forest bathing, I want to share the excitement and wonder that nature has to offer. Ready to start? Let’s dive in!
I have been reflecting on how I have conversations with my kids about events in nature. You see, moving from the city to the country presents some interesting challenges as a parent, and our daily interactions with the natural world have left me a little stumped at times. Let me explain my latest dilemma.
This week we were sitting as a family staring out at our bird feeder and the Skagit Bay beyond that. From our view looking south, we can see Camano island and a swath of central Whidbey Island. The region is covered in dense forest, which brings with it the pleasure of living amongst some incredible wildlife. The birds are easily my favorite, and I am particularly drawn to the large birds of prey.
We lingered beyond the windows throughout the day, waiting patiently for the next big event. And then suddenly it happened. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bird dive straight into the center of the window, just feet away from where my husband and kids stood. It hit the window with a resounding thud and fell to the deck below. Immediately behind it was a much larger bird that swooped up and away before hitting the window.
Now, this does happen on occasion, but usually it is a tiny songbird that got carried away at the bird feeder. The thud of the window alone indicated that this was a much larger bird. I walked over to the window to see that this time it was a gorgeous gray mourning dove with black spots. They usually sit up high in our maple tree, cooing down at us. Now, we seem to have changed vantage points.
The bird lay on its back with its head cocked awkwardly to one side, pale orange eyes wide open, and purple feet extended in the air. Every few seconds, one of its feet would twitch and it seemed to be trying to will its wings to move again. I felt sick to my stomach and had to set down my coffee to process what was going on.
My 4-year old son stood at the window narrating what was happening to the best of his ability. He could recognize the bird was hurt, but didn’t know what would happen next. Meanwhile, we could see the hawk sitting at the edge of the maple tree, waiting patiently to come collect its meal.
At some point I went to move the bird off the deck so that it was still in sight, but less of a centerpiece. I looked up to see the hawk still waiting, and I went on with my morning, hoping that my kid would forget about the situation.
Not ten minutes later my kid yells from the living room, “Mommy, look! The bird flew away!” I froze, wishing I had thought a little more about what I should do next. I took a deep breath and considered my options:
Completely gaslight my child: “Oh, I am glad he’s all better now! Sometimes birds just need naps, and now he’s probably just headed back to tell his friends about his exciting morning!”
Ignore my child: No need to respond if I didn’t hear him, right?? While this is a very tempting option, my child is not one to let things go easily. He will make sure I know that he knows that something is amiss. His grandpa always says, baby boy doesn’t miss a thing.
Provide an exhaustive explanation about death and the circle of life: This is a path I have taken before, only to realize my kid had zero clue what I was saying to him. I realized I made the wrong choice when his eyes glazed over and he asked a follow-up question that had nothing to do with the point I was making. Not taking this route again.
Validate my kid’s observation: Technically, the bird did fly away, but we don’t have to get into the details. I could point out that birds eat meat just like we do, so the bird became food for another animal. Done.
To be honest, option 1 would have been my go-to back when I lived in the city. But after experiencing dead wildlife a few times, I recognized it is not a good way to prepare my kid for the reality we live in.
Nowadays, I try to stick with option 4, when I can remember to do it. The challenge for me is that often these things feel scary and overwhelming, but we projecting ideas about what our kids do and do not understand.
I try to have a sense of humor and take the big view about what is actually happening. I don’t know that there is a “right” answer because so much of parents is trying something out and hoping it satisfies that kid.
In this particular case, I wish I felt more confident in meeting my kid where he was at in understanding the situation. It is often hard to find the words that provide truth and validation, but I want to be better at it.
Now, it’s your turn. Tell me which path would you default to in situations with kiddos?
Until our next wild adventure together, remember to have fun and be present.
Hillarie
Dilemma of Parenting in Nature
I'd do four, working up to when the kid can understand the circle of life. After all, herbivores eat plants, carnivores eat other animals, and omnivores eat both. Just the way it is.
Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your journey and look forward to seeing how your experience evolves. You are being heard. 🙏🏽